June 29, 2010
My husband’s birthday celebration turned into a birthday weekend. I like those better. Much more can be gleaned in the relationship over a 3-day stretch of “it’s all about you” than just 24 hours, I always say. In fact, why not make it a lifetime of “it’s all about you?” Now you’re talkin’.
When my honey and I were married not five years yet, someone asked us each the greatest source of stress in our lives. I paused and breathed out slowly and quietly that it was the man sitting next to me, my husband. There wasn’t any way for me to know how he would react. Would he be angry or hurt or laugh at me? Would I live a life of quiet solitude for a day or two? It was hard to speak out that truth, but the object of the conversation was to open us up to each other. To do that, we needed to face truth. With a painful jab to my ego and yet to my relief, I learned that day that I am my husband’s greatest source of stress, too.
While painful to get the words to materialize on the other side of our lips that day, the act of it freed us to move forward in one motion, not two. There was an immediate choice presented to grow distant and silent or to attempt to sync our efforts for our future. We chose to sync.
Private vehement disagreements are usually due to lack of understanding. We don’t want to lose each other. Each of us simply wants our own way, to have the last word, and to be right.
Since that eye-opening meeting so many years ago, the precious man that God gave me to and I have worked hard to not hurt each other. There had to be an “us against all of you” kind of mentality until our legs were stronger. Our efforts didn’t stop with the epiphany of our source of stress. Secretly, we already knew where our stress flowed from. That was the day it was brought to the open and shouted from the rooftop. That was the day our relationship took a stronger turn. We came from that meeting with a better understanding of what drives each other forward and what will shut each other down. What trigger words or actions will stop each of us in our tracks and what is in our past that a trigger is connected to. Now we can help each other become who each of us wish to be.
It’s not about me. It’s all about you. Something you already knew, right?
We work to round off the sharper angles of our relationship and we do it together. It’s a daily practice like stepping off a curb to cross the street. When we practice small steps of truth together, we find life’s high cliffs aren’t quite so scary. I can trust the man beside me because he has proven to me that I can. The same goes for his trust in me.
The first step of faith was a toughie. The second was not much easier. But over time I’ve learned that the man I promised to serve is faithful and true and has my best interest at heart. I've seen him faithfully seek out the Maker’s opinion so when he says it’s time to jump, it most likely is. Together we fix our eyes on Jesus and don’t look down.
It takes a lot of work to make one clock keep true time, let alone two. Put two clocks side by side and try to sync their rhythm exactly. Though you be a master clockmaker, it can be a frustrating task. Even if the clocks were the same shape, size, style, make, year, and color it would not make syncing them any easier. The complex variables on the inside can change everything. The outside elements can affect it, too. Drift down the Salmon River between Oregon and Montana and try it. Now you are dealing with two different and sometimes very mixed up time zones that crisscross one another.
Out of sync by an hour, a minute, or a second is still out of sync and eventually you grow apart. The Master Clockmaker designed you for communication. He is fully aware of the variables and can sync you together in ways you never dreamed possible. Be willing to hear those words that you are someone’s greatest stress. Be honest and loving for the sake of the relationship. Be willing to work on your part. Stop trying to learn that other person. Help your friend to understand you better. It’s easier to savor a relationship one bite at a time than to try to swallow the whole chunk at once. The Creator intended for relationships to move freely, with life in mind, to reveal His character in them.
Praise God that He loves us individually right where we are, no matter where we are. He chose you individually and He will communicate with you anytime for any length of time. Conversation with the Master Clockmaker doesn't have to end with amen.
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