A Time For Prejudice

July 2, 2010

A Time for Prejudice

Twenty minutes in, with all of the academic questions about ability, personality, and career aspirations out of the way, the interview was off to a swimmingly good start. The room was relaxed and the aspects of the position sounded ideal. Then everything went south.

My husband had been kind enough to drive me to the building the night before to make sure I knew where it was so I wouldn’t be late for the interview. That’s always a good practice. First impressions and all. Upon entering the neighborhood we noticed the interested stares into our vehicle, but it didn’t really faze us. At the stop lights, we noticed the cars around us bouncing up and down in rhythm to drum beats that were so loud they ate away at the brain and threatened to pull our hearts from our chests.

I was not deterred. God had set this interview up and even foretold it to me. I had to show up and I had to be completely willing to do whatever He asked of me afterwards. My heart was a complete peace.

When the moment came, it was comical to watch the two interviewers squirm in their chairs.

"I see you've done a great deal of research on this church and its mission, so I assume you realize that about 99% of the congregation, not to mention the neighborhood is African-American and you are Caucasian. Do you have any concerns about that?"

I replied, "Should I? I don't see why that should be an issue. Is there anything I SHOULD be concerned about?"

They looked at each other. "It's just that we have gangs in the area. It's not a nice neighborhood and we want to know if that would bother you."

I told them that I never equated the color of a person's skin with danger. But gangs in the area? Should I be concerned? My best defense was to analyze.

"How long has this church been up and running?"

"Ten years."

"And in that ten years how many incidents have you had?"

"Three."

The interviewers explained that the incidents were never service-related and not personal. However, they felt they needed to fully disclose the neighborhood atmosphere. I told them to look at me and tell me if a person looking the way I do should have concerns.

"Would I be walking around with a big bullseye on me just because of my color?"

"No,” they shared another look, “but again, full-disclosure.”

With what happened next you might have picked me up off the floor. It was too good a moment for them to pass up, I guess, because, “Lord knows we've been in that position many times, in reverse,” and then they actually high-fived each other across the table as their laughter spilled out into the empty sanctuary.

It was a fascinating feeling, to say the least. If I had walked into their office with my credentials and a much different origin, I have every reason to believe that I would have been offered the position.

My Father knows my comings and goings. He looked down through time and considered that particular moment and provided for it. I had told the Lord that I would go wherever He sent me and that if He was not in it, don’t send me.

Tests of loyalty happen every day in small and big ways. It was right to take God’s interview, but if I took it, I needed to trust Him through it because it might lead me further into the unknown and possibly down the road to my hurt.

I don’t think the two precious people across the table from me will forget me in a very long time. I hope they don’t. They certainly made a lasting impression on me. There is a time for prejudice for the sake of the Kingdom or for the sake of a mission or for the sake of life. When choosing a spouse or a dog or our next meal, we show prejudice. If I never have the privilege of seeing them on earth again, I will look for these two in the sky one day and thank them for that one moment and for their willingness to do what was right to do.

It Doesn't End With I Do and Amen

June 29, 2010

My husband’s birthday celebration turned into a birthday weekend. I like those better. Much more can be gleaned in the relationship over a 3-day stretch of “it’s all about you” than just 24 hours, I always say. In fact, why not make it a lifetime of “it’s all about you?” Now you’re talkin’.

When my honey and I were married not five years yet, someone asked us each the greatest source of stress in our lives. I paused and breathed out slowly and quietly that it was the man sitting next to me, my husband. There wasn’t any way for me to know how he would react. Would he be angry or hurt or laugh at me? Would I live a life of quiet solitude for a day or two? It was hard to speak out that truth, but the object of the conversation was to open us up to each other. To do that, we needed to face truth. With a painful jab to my ego and yet to my relief, I learned that day that I am my husband’s greatest source of stress, too.

While painful to get the words to materialize on the other side of our lips that day, the act of it freed us to move forward in one motion, not two. There was an immediate choice presented to grow distant and silent or to attempt to sync our efforts for our future. We chose to sync.

Private vehement disagreements are usually due to lack of understanding. We don’t want to lose each other. Each of us simply wants our own way, to have the last word, and to be right.

Since that eye-opening meeting so many years ago, the precious man that God gave me to and I have worked hard to not hurt each other. There had to be an “us against all of you” kind of mentality until our legs were stronger. Our efforts didn’t stop with the epiphany of our source of stress. Secretly, we already knew where our stress flowed from. That was the day it was brought to the open and shouted from the rooftop. That was the day our relationship took a stronger turn. We came from that meeting with a better understanding of what drives each other forward and what will shut each other down. What trigger words or actions will stop each of us in our tracks and what is in our past that a trigger is connected to. Now we can help each other become who each of us wish to be.

It’s not about me. It’s all about you. Something you already knew, right?

We work to round off the sharper angles of our relationship and we do it together. It’s a daily practice like stepping off a curb to cross the street. When we practice small steps of truth together, we find life’s high cliffs aren’t quite so scary. I can trust the man beside me because he has proven to me that I can. The same goes for his trust in me.

The first step of faith was a toughie. The second was not much easier. But over time I’ve learned that the man I promised to serve is faithful and true and has my best interest at heart. I've seen him faithfully seek out the Maker’s opinion so when he says it’s time to jump, it most likely is. Together we fix our eyes on Jesus and don’t look down.

It takes a lot of work to make one clock keep true time, let alone two. Put two clocks side by side and try to sync their rhythm exactly. Though you be a master clockmaker, it can be a frustrating task. Even if the clocks were the same shape, size, style, make, year, and color it would not make syncing them any easier. The complex variables on the inside can change everything. The outside elements can affect it, too. Drift down the Salmon River between Oregon and Montana and try it. Now you are dealing with two different and sometimes very mixed up time zones that crisscross one another.

Out of sync by an hour, a minute, or a second is still out of sync and eventually you grow apart. The Master Clockmaker designed you for communication. He is fully aware of the variables and can sync you together in ways you never dreamed possible. Be willing to hear those words that you are someone’s greatest stress. Be honest and loving for the sake of the relationship. Be willing to work on your part. Stop trying to learn that other person. Help your friend to understand you better. It’s easier to savor a relationship one bite at a time than to try to swallow the whole chunk at once. The Creator intended for relationships to move freely, with life in mind, to reveal His character in them.

Praise God that He loves us individually right where we are, no matter where we are. He chose you individually and He will communicate with you anytime for any length of time. Conversation with the Master Clockmaker doesn't have to end with amen.

More Curious With Every Step

Hey! Today is my honey’s birthday and I want to begin by wishing him a very happy and fulfilling day! Darlin’, you are a mighty warrior in Christ and a great priest for our home. Thank you for caring for those entrusted to you with such diligent attention. I love you and appreciate that Father would place you in my life so many days ago. I am blessed.

Okay, people, last Sunday the Holy Spirit told me that someone would be calling this week to offer me a position at another church. I questioned Him as to how that would affect my ministry at my home church and He assured me that it wouldn’t. I couldn’t guess how that could be, but I know His voice and He’s never lied to me before. I gave my husband the information and He and I prayed about it. I’ve been out of an outside job since January 15, 2009 and the income would be welcomed.

The following day I received a message on my home message machine from a woman I’ve never met before. She requested I contact her right away about a position she felt I would be perfect for. I returned her call and left a message on her voice mail.

When she reached me on Tuesday I was a little befuddled. She told me that she had found my resume on a website that I’ve never placed a resume on. She told me that although my resume showed no administrative assisting experience whatsoever, there was one item that did stick out to her, my experience working as an associate pastor.

Hmmm… Very curious, I told her, that you say you took my resume from a website that I never placed it on and even more curious that you find no administrative assisting experience on it, when that is most all I’ve ever done. I know God has a sense of humor and He knows my sense of adventure. Okay, I bit. I e-mailed my true resume over to her and she told me that she was right to believe I am perfect for the job.

An interview was set up for today, Friday. The woman told me that it is not normal that we not meet face to face before I interview, but she really felt this was right. I’ve accepted the interview invitation from the church, but this by no means implies that this job is my future. The Lord only said that someone would ask me and He has fulfilled what He said would be. This walk is not over. It is a matter of being trusted in little steps. It’s just another bend of obedience in my faith walk. I get more curious with every step. Don’t you?